Back to Reality ....

Thursday, 18 January 2018



Happy New Year... 

I know we are in the middle of the first month of Two Thousand and Eighteen but I haven't had the time or the energy to sit at my desk and write a blog posts. 

I had two weeks off over the Christmas period and I've gone to working to having time off to then back to work and I ended up crashing. 

For the past week I've been trying to catch up on my sleep. I've wanted to crawl into my bed at 6pm as soon as I've left work... 

I love being busy and even though I crashed, I like knowing that I'm tired and I have a reason why I am.

One thing I learnt was that I'm not very good at having time off. Especially when I have nothing to do or nothing planned. My brain just doesn't switch off and felt liked it had turned into mush. I tried to write or work on things but I found I couldn't concentrate. I wrote a bit but I found the more I tried t write, the more I couldn't. I ended up trying to force myself to write, which is something I dislike doing. I ended up giving up and just tried to find someway of entertaining myself. I also found that I had no routine in my day. I had no reason to get up early and no reason to go to bed early or do things at a certain time. Where I'd usually make sure I was in bed at 10pm, I wasn't actually in bed till much later and sleeping until the early hours of the morning at waking up in the afternoon. Not only did I feel like I had wasted a whole day but I felt tired. More so then than I do right now and I've worked a whole shift today! Going back to work for the first time in 2018 was not only draining but exciting. 

Let me explain ..... 

I hadn't slept until the early hours of the morning because I had managed to get myself into some kind of routine where I'd be sleeping at 2 or 3am. I had to be up at 6am and only having a few hours of sleep meant I'd be tired for the first time in a week.  And I was and I loved that feeling that I was tired because I had worked not because I was tired because I wasn't doing anything or tired out of boredom. Getting into bed felt amazing that night and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I fell fast asleep. It was probably one of the best night sleeps I've had.  

I'm not very good at being on my own. I mean I like an evening or a day to myself and I find that I can do things like watch what I want to on the bedroom tv. I have shows that my fiancee isn't into so I like it when I have time to catch up on shows I love. I rediscovered a show I used to watch called Bones that I've now become addicted too, that and old comedy shows. Being on my own for several days at a time, left me feeling lonely and bored. I had no plans and I had expected to be busy and enjoy the time on my own but when the time came, I found it to be the complete opposite. 

I have to be busy!! I like working and having a full time job as well as being a writer and blogger on the top. It makes me feel like I always have something to do. I love being able to go to work just as much as I love sitting at my desk with my laptop and writing away. I'd feel lazy if I didn't and sometimes life gets in the way so I'm unable to sit and write but on the days I do get to sit at my desk and write away, those days are the best. As much as I'd love to be a full time writer or blogger, I'd need somewhere I could go to instead of staying at home just because I need that place where I can go to where I go and do work. I love being busy! 

I think I'm just one of those people who need to stay busy all the time. As much as I love having a day off, I find it rewarding to be able to lay in bed and catch up tv or watch a film I've been meaning to watch for ages. But as much as I love having this day off, it also makes me feel incredibly lazy. Should I be lying in bed when I could be writing or out doing something. As much as I like letting myself lay in bed or sitting on the sofa relaxing, I do feel like there is something that could be done. And sometimes when I come home from work, I'm straight on my laptop, writing away and there's been occasions where I've fallen asleep on my laptop and I've woken up to a whole load of letters that doesn't make any sense at all! Keeping yourself busy also means you also have no time and sometimes no time means fitting around some kind of life. There are evenings where I have plans and others where I don't. And on top of all this..... I'm still trying to write this book!!
I guess what I'm sort of trying to say is that I like having a full time job as well as being a writer and blogger. I love being busy and I don't think I'll ever stop being busy! 

See you soon ..

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