Everything I Now Know Our Story | Prologue

Friday, 15 September 2017

Dear Reader, 

Today I'm going to be honest with you. 

Today Reader, I'll tell you a story, one that's untold. 

I'd like to say that this is all my own version of events and other people may see it differently or heard differently. This is all in my own words. 

*   *   *

I don't remember a lot of my childhood and have been told I've blocked most of my memories out. I guess there are several reasons behind this, ones that will be remained unanswered. From things I remember, I was always a child who would get into mischief. One memory I clearly remember was opening a washing machine full of washing in the launderette. We had just moved and we didn't have any appliances, so by the old house was a launderette where I'd help take the washing. On this particular day I had watched a lady fill a machine with all of her clothing, including a pink pair of pants which I clearly remember. She had left the launderette, leaving the machine to wash the clothing. As inquisitive as I was, I decided to press my face against the glass of the machine to watch these pink pants go around and around. Something in my head said open the door and so that is exactly what I did. The launderette filled into a paddling pool filled with bubbles and soapy wet washing. That pair of pink pants came floating by my feet. I was rushed out of that launderette so quickly, I don't even know if our own washing was completely done! I remember looking back at the launderette as I was dragged away and watching soapy bubbles pour out from underneath the door, leaving a bit of a puddle on the pavement in front of it.

 To the lady who's knickers I left in a soapy mess, I apologise and for those asking about the machine having child lock . . . it was the nineties!

Enough Said. 

I became a big sister at eighteen months, I got given a little brother. The best present a little girl could ask for. Another person to try and get into mischief with or blame the mischief making on! I remember encouraging him to throw bedding down the stairs or toys that we weren't playing with all ended up in a heap at the bottom of the stairs! No one could get up and we couldn't get down.The more bedding that was pushed down the stairs, the more my little brother laughed! And I think that's the main reason why I did it. I have a strong bond with my brother and have always been very protective of him. (I'll be changing his name in this so I shall just call him Luke.) Luke was diagnosed with Autism, this was something I didn't understand as a child. He was just my brother Luke and he was my everything. I remember going to Sainsburys one morning with him in his major buggy when I came across a group of a lot older girls laughing and pointing at him. "Big Baby. That boys a big baby" They said loudly across the store as we were searching for vegetables. I remember turning around and feeling angry. I'd never felt angry as a child before and this was new. I stuck my tongue out at them thinking that it would shut them up but they still echoed the words "big baby" as we walked down the isle. That was the first time I swore to protect him and that I always would. 

And even to this day, I've kept my word.  


I write this like I'm writing a happy story about my childhood, that we always had great times filled with laughter and lots of happy memories. There were some good memories that I remember but most of the time there wasn't and these are the ones I remember the most. The moments I've recalled above are just a few memories I can actually remember. I am the eldest of nine for those who didn't know. We lived in a three bedroom house and it was squished, I'm not going to lie. I was forever known as the oldest of the nine or that child from that big family. I often got commented about for having a 'different' family. Our lives were a show, an image of what A and B wanted the world to see but behind closed doors it was completely different. The neighbourhood was fooled by a show of deception and lies. Those closest to us never saw a thing and if anyone came to the right conclusion of what was going on, they were gone out of our lives. Life was lonely and so we found we had each other. Just us nine against all the lies and deception. 

It's time for our story to be told. 

No more secrets, no more lies. 

This is Everything I Now Know.


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