Mental Health Awareness Week || Anxiety, Down Days and Moving Forward

Saturday, 13 May 2017

Hey Guys, 

I suffer with Anxiety frequently and it stopped me doing a lot of things in the past. There's been times in my life where my Anxiety controlled my life. Those days feel like a constant blur now, all I remember is constant fear, worries and panic attacks. 

Anxiety is a bitch and I hate it still to this day. 

 I've been learning to control this and have my own little things that work for me. One thing that can often set of my anxiety is leaving hair styling tools plugged in and them starting a fire and burning the house down. It seems silly writing it on here but I literally won't be able to cope being out of the house until I have done the following to stop an attack and spoiling my day! I always unplug said hair styling tool once it's cooled down and leave it in a place I know where it is. I try to get someone to then check that I've unplugged it and then I take a photo to prove to myself that I'm not going to burn the house down!! There's been many times where I haven't followed the following steps and I've needed to run home to make sure that I've done it. It sounds silly, I know. The amount of photo's I have on my phone of my straighteners, curlers and hairdryer is insane! It's things like this that make living with anxiety a little bit easier. 

Being Mental Health Awareness Week I thought I'd share. I wouldn't say my past has been the best but it hasn't been the worst. As a teenager I suffered with what I call 'down days'. These were days where I literally didn't give a crap about anything. If today was a down day then I'd hate life. I'd feel like the world hated me and I hated the world. School wasn't exactly helpful either, attending an all girls school meant some of the girls were horrid. Having these girls say something to you on a down day made life crap. I remember in PE getting laughed or had comments made at me because I didn't have a sport branded pair of trainers.  Or even being put in a seating plan in class and having to sit next to one of the girls who'd make remarks and as soon as she realised she sat was sat next to me, she'd make some kind of remark which made her friend laugh . . . .Yeah school sucked and back then I just wanted to fit in and be invisible to everyone. My parents weren't a big help either. I'd forever be helping around the house and not doing much in the way of school work or having a social life. Also being told that I was lazy and no good, useless . . . I pretty much remember it all word from word. When you're constantly told that you're no good, eventually you begin to believe it. I've been really down at times in my life and tried to silly things but it's all the past now. A year and a half ago, it all kicked up again with having my parents tell us that myself and all of my siblings, we had ruined their lives and life would be easier without us. So my siblings into care. The day they went  was the worst day in my life. That feeling will never leave me and it's something that I'll never forget. Having to be strong and at the same time completely broken for their sake. Not knowing what was going to happen next. Not knowing when I'd see them again. I cried myself to sleep for many nights after that. I hated life at that point and the little thing's I loved doing with them was taken away like puting them to bed and reading them a story. But as the year went on, it came to be the best decision for all my siblings and if I look at how far they've come in a year, I'm one proud big sister! 

I occasionally get down days now where I don't like life, I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to be left alone. Sometimes this can be very hard depending on where you are and sometimes I really have to make myself put on 'the face' to show everyone that the world is full of rainbows when all I want to do is lock myself away and cry. I have people in my life now that get it and suffer with the exact same like my sister Sarah who too suffers with Anxiety and Depression. I've seen her at the lowest points with her depression. She's like me and is currently battling her depression and is slowly moving forward. With many things that happen in your life, it can sometimes be harder to fight. But she is and I'm proud of her. I wouldn't say I was depressed or that I suffer with depression and I'm coping with my anxiety. I'm working on different methods that is working at the moment and I'm moving forward with my life.

  I've learnt that what happened in the past, stays in the past. Easier said then done, I know. But I've come to the conclusion that these things hold on to you and in order to get on with life, you have to leave them behind you. Don't allow things to spoil your future. There's so many opportunities nowadays and the world is your oyster. In life we have bad things happen and it effects us. It's how we act after, is the important thing. We can either feel sorry for ourselves or we can fight and put things behind us. That's what I've done. 

  There are sometimes people out there to get you and are maybe jealous of you or just are out to spite you. But you literally stick two fingers up at them and move on. Something I also have learnt the hard way, Don't care for people who don't care for you. Let them get on with their life and you get on with yours. Doesn't matter what's been said behind your back, let them say whatever they want, just walk away. Don't get to their level and never let them win. 

If you struggle with Anxiety I'm going to leave a few tips that I do that helps me on one of my down days. 

Have a play list filled with upbeat positive music. 

Distract yourself with something, like a movie or meet up with a friend. 

Breath. Breathing and taking a moment to control  your breathing is important. 

Sleep! As hard as it is to switch off the anxiety, sleep is something that helps me a lot. It helps me to think afresh in the morning or after I've woken up. If you find it hard sleeping try listening to some kind of relaxing music, I have a play list that I will listen to if I need to sleep. 

Find things to do to keep you busy such as going for a run, a walk or making yourself a cup of tea.



For me writing things down has always helped and I've always written my thoughts on paper for as long as I can remember. 

Find that thing that helps you cope and make life easier. 

Talk. Talking is one of the things I've been working on and is still the hardest by far. But it helps. 


For me, it's time to move forward and leave the past behind me. 

Till next time 

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