Learning to live . . .

Sunday, 27 November 2016


Do you ever feel like you've lost yourself?

Do you ever feel like life is rubbish, unfair and just sucks!!

Feed up with feeling like your the bad person?

Yeah me too . . .

Or so I had been feeling . . .

Let me explain. . . .


2016 ......

Started off as such a promising year yet in a short space of time, my life as I knew it took a turn. Months before, I got kicked out my the place I called home for 20+ years and even though I was sad, it felt like I was on a new journey. Little did I know what was around the corner.

I guess you can say February sucked.  I cried myself to sleep many times that month. Not knowing when if I'd see eight faces. Those eight faces I loved so dearly. Those eight little faces I promised to protect. Something I swore I'd always do. But it wasn't just me who had to go through this, eight others did too. I came to realise how much I'd miss the little things that I know I'd never get to do such as take little HP to school or give Yochs a bath. I took her to school on the 23rd Feb 2016 and waved her off at the gate. I waited until she was out of sight and a tear rolled down my face.  I knew that it would be the last time I ever got to see her run happily into school. This was it, how did I tell her what would happen next? 

I felt like I'd lost my home, my family and my world. And as much as I tried to see the positive side, I just couldn't. I came to see people for who they were during these months. People who I needed the most, just weren't there and yet strangers were. They always say you see people's true colours during hard times. Everyone has their own problems and I was dealing with mine and still am. It's just recently I've began to feel myself again. It's taken a while and I've had mixed feelings towards many people and things I haven't been able to control or deal with. Many people have witnessed me at my worst in the last few months but I'm finding the positive in life. I have my lovely fiancee Tiernan to thank for this. 

I've come to realise that you have to put people and things behind you and move on. As much as I'm a fixer and I like honesty and try to do my best to fix things. Sometimes you just can't help people who don't want to be helped and sometimes things just can't be fixed. Sometimes you have to leave them behind you in order to get on with your own life. And I've learnt this the hard way. I guess I'm done trying to fix things and I'm going to live my life. 

The best thing is those eight people I had protected are doing just fine. I guess it's taken some time to write down a little something about the whole thing. Its taken me sometime to take it all in.


I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone who has ever been there for myself or any of my siblings in the last 9 months.

Till next time . . . 

                         

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